She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
