Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
