to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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