Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
