My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My balls are so social today.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
