ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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