bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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