Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
