good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize