im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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