My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
