I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
