If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
