Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
