I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
