1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
