On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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