i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize