woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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