She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
