If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
