let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
