Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
