Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
