Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize