Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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