The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
