So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
