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yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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