Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
