Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
