Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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