can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
