he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
