dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
