weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
