Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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