Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
