I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
