He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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