My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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