So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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