There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
COCAINE IS GR8
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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