just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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