I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
