I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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