You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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