I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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