Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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