All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you made out with another girl for some wings
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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