Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
