And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
