You're so nebulous sometimes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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