It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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