nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
