umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
