Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
