Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest