Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize