It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
