he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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