Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
