she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
