I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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