I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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