i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
