Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
