I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
