Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
