this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
