She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think people are normalizing furries
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