I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
