just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
