The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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