you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
