At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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