his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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