she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You ruined the universe
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
