my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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