i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
