I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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